A Fat Ugly Lie

Today was my first day impersonating a staffer. I bicycled to the office at 10:00 AM and presented myself for inspection. "What would you have me do?" I asked.

Joel thought making phone calls would be nice. Of course, Joel always thinks making phone calls would be nice. So Martha sat me down at a desk, accessed a computer list, and I set about making call after call to prosepective volunteers. 

As one of those volunteers I've made similar calls. I'd arrive at the office, work a couple hours, then stand up from my desk, grandly announce my departure, and leave to effusive praise feeling like a hero.

I know the drill. 

Except today a couple hours came and went, it was still 12:00 o'clock, and I had another eight hours to go. 

Eventually I enquired, "Hey Ryan, how may calls are we expected to make in a day?"

"At least one hundred and ten," he said, in a tone that was flat and factual. 

I swallowed hard and returned to my list with grim determination. 

After a respectable time, I paused once again, "Hey Ryan, have any idea how many calls I've made?"

"I could check," he said. 

I was sure my laser like focus would yield an impressive number. "Sure," I said, "please do."

His fingers touched a few keys and a fat ugly lie popped up on his screen. "Fifty-eight," he replied. with that same monotone voice?

"Fifty-eight?" I replied weakly, "are you sure?"

"Yep, fifty-eight." he said, "With a .625% success rate."

I almost asked, "Is that good?" but his expression prevented the question from ever being offered.

Day one yielded an important lesson. It's only right so much praise and glory are given to campaign staffers, because their job sure isn't easy.